it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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