Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
