Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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