You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
