TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
