ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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