Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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