Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
