My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
