If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
