don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
