I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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