Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize