Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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