Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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