Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
