her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
