pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
