fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
