If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
