1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
