Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
