I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
