We're facebook friends in real life
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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