she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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