I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
