Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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