So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
