Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
