I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
