is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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