The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
