I just cut my nipple shaving
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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