my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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