you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
