yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
