I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
