Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
