I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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