Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
