Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
