some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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