They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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