I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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