Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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