She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
