all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
