all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
