There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize