I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
