You just made me feel so damn special
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
