HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
