it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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