Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
