He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
