hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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