He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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