Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
