I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
