Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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