Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
