i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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