he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
