I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
