Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
