She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize