I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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