So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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